![]() Now, drifting back to childhood…if a child’s love language is Words of Affirmation and yet the adults in their lives do not give them an opportunity to speak, that causes trauma! Chances are, that this adult will not even speak words of affirmation into this child! How then can this child be expected to develop their love language? But again, it will fuel the one saying them as long as the words are not brushed aside! If they are that can cause some issues in the relationship as well as if they are not heard back! They will also use words to affirm their partners but if it’s not the partner’s love language, it wont mean anything. Words of Affirmation: This is a tough one! Some people thrive on words. In a relationship, this person may struggle to do things for their partner because in their subconscious, they do not think it will be good enough.God forbid if they tried and their partner did not appreciate! They just shut down and not bother! This is when we hear partners complaining of their boos never doing anything!Ģ. Have you been in a situation where a child “cleans the table” by spreading their food everywhere? Or disorganizes a room you just tidied and proudly tells you that they just organized it? That is an act of service! But how do you respond? So if the child tries several “acts of service” and they all are met with negativity, this can mess up their love language. However for a child, whose love language is acts of service if adults in his/her life never appreciated their actions and instead, responded with harsh words or beatings, this can be traumatizing. Doing acts of service for this person could also replenish their energy. Acts of service: A person does things for other people as a way of expressing their love. ![]() Now what has this got to do with the love languages?ġ. So when we do not devote some time to heal our conscious and unconscious trauma, it blocks us in ways that prevent us from functioning at our full potential. It can also be inherited or generational and passed down at birth. Trauma can take many forms, physical, emotional, spiritual, energetic etc. Have you had that partner where you do everything and nothing seems to work for them? Then years later you meet them and someone else is doing the exact thing you did and now it is working? Well, they may have healed and now it all works! Years later as I started my journey as a healer, and dealing with clients who had experienced lots of trauma, I realized that these love languages actually could be problematic and one would not ever get to know what their love language is if they do not heal their trauma! I didn’t care for words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, touch or gifts! Little did I know that my past trauma was interfering. When I first heard of the love languages, I could not identify which one was mine. To get to the point of this blog, I will discuss another of my musings which explores how trauma could complicate the whole love language thing. Have you heard of the saying, “ Too much of anything is bad?” Well, if a partner over does it when it comes to another’s love language, then things could get worse! There could be associated trauma and the too much triggers it! That way, they know what to require from their partner. For most people, the belief is that the other person in the relationship is expected to communicate with their partner in the partner’s love language.ĭuring one of my musings on this, I realized that actually, every individual should be the first to use their love language on themselves before they expect the partner to use their love language on them. ![]() Gary Chapman identifies the 5 love languages as: Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. For many couples, learning about these love languages created aha moments that help to fix most of their miscommunication issues You’ve probably heard of Gary Chapman’s 5 love languages, which according to him, is how we prefer to communicate love.
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